Breaking Bad (Habits)

Not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but a secret third worse thing (self-sabotage).

“I am not at all in a humor for writing; I must write on till I am.”

-Jane Austen

(Yes, I was watching Breaking Bad the other day, which inspired the pun.)

AHEM.

Dear reader,

I’m sure we all have our share of bad habits that we’d like to kick. Maybe we spend too much time scrolling endlessly on TikTok instead of getting any work done. Perhaps you want to stop grabbing the sweet snacks when you’re hungry and go for something a little healthier.

The New Year is really nice for people like you and I because it gives us the illusion of a brand new start. 

“This year I swear I’ll fix my sleep schedule!” I said optimistically on January 1st. And then I was up until 5 am just a couple nights ago contemplating all my life choices.

I admire those who can make New Year’s resolutions and stick to them. But that’s a small few. For the rest of us, it’s apparent willpower isn’t enough. I think what we need is accountability. Something to force us to change our habits.

When I was a little kid, I had a terrible habit of biting my nails due to anxiety. They were always short and jagged and often bleeding from how much I tore them up. I rarely painted them. I just kept my hands in my sweater or jean pockets. Then I got braces when I was 16 years old. 

Yeah, yeah, not my cutest look, I know. I got them off back in like August.

While I had them on, I found that it was impossible to bite my nails. Almost like I needed healthier ways to cope with my anxiety. 

I had no choice but to stop, since I literally couldn’t anymore. And two and a half years of braces was enough to break the habit completely.

You know what I found out when I let them grow? I actually have really pretty nails.

They’re strong and hard to break and look absolutely gorgeous when they’re painted. 

This applies to any skill we want to develop. If you’re anything like me, you hate failure, and therefore you self-sabotage before actually giving yourself a real chance. I want to be a writer! How can I call myself a writer if I never write though?

This past year, I have decided to take accountability and force myself into situations where I had no choice but to write. 

I signed up for an Introduction to Fiction course during my summer semester in community college. (You can actually find some of the work I produced during that time on this blog!) I wrote several pieces, including a full-length short story. We went in-depth into several narrative techniques and elements that I think helped me to really get a grasp on what I needed to improve in my writing. 

The experience was so positive that I enrolled for an Introduction to Script Writing class the following term with one of my new friends that I made in the fiction class. I didn’t regret it for a second. The instructor was super chill and laid back, but I learned a lot about story structure. Turns out writing a movie script is a LOT different from writing prose. 

Now for my last semester before graduating with my AA, I’m taking Introduction to Poetry. The idea has been to experiment with different types of writing. And that leads me into what I’m a part of now and what encouraged me to start this blog.

I joined a copywriting community called Word Tonic recently as a complete newbie. I mean, I know I’m a good writer, so why not try to get paid to do so? I figure that connecting with like-minded people is a surefire way of making sure I don’t quit. Plus I dropped a few bucks to join, so I can’t really afford to not take advantage of the opportunity. 

Everything I have done has worked so far though. I’m taking time out of my weekend that I could be leveling up my Fortnite Battle Pass to write a blog post, something I would not be doing had I not been pushing myself.

So I pass on my advice to you. Can’t make yourself write or paint or whatever it is you want to pursue? Put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to do so. Sign up for a class. Find friends who will harass you until you do.

You might surprise yourself. If you let your skills grow like I let my nails grow, you could come to find that you were stunting the growth of something really amazing. 

~Paris